It’s not surprising that he said not to take it seriously.
When you just came back from India, you went to a yoga studio with us. Did he teach you?
It’s not that he hates this kind of thing. I don’t know if he believes in some of his yoga speaking skills, but he thinks it’s naive to use this ability.
Our ham and eggs arrived, so we immediately ate up and drank beer without saying a word. I didn’t know what he was thinking, but I was thinking about what he was talking about. After dinner, I lit a cigarette and Larry lit his pipe.
Why did you want to go to India? I suddenly asked him.
It happened that I thought so at that time, but now I tend to think that this is an inevitable result of living in Europe for many years. Almost everyone who has a profound influence on me happens to meet by chance, but in retrospect it seems as if it is destiny takes a hand when I need them. Now I go to India because I want to have a good rest, because I am too tired from work, and I want to think about it. Later, I found a handyman on a ferry around the world, sailed eastward through the Panama Canal and then went to new york. I didn’t return to the United States for five years, but I was very homesick, but I was quite depressed many years ago. When we first met in Chicago, you knew how naive I was at that time. After that, I went to Europe to read all kinds of things and see a lot of the world, but I was still far from the goal I was pursuing.
I want to ask what this goal is, but I think he is bound to laugh, shrug his shoulders and say it is not worth talking about.
But why do you want to go to the boat to do odd jobs? It’s not like you have no money, I asked.
I want to experience it. I want to feel full of energy. It is very special to do this kind of chores at this time. That winter, after Isabel and I broke off our engagement, I worked in a mine near Lens for six months.
Just then, he confided to me that I had already described those experiences.
Were you sad when Isabel dumped you?
He stared at me in front of his mouth for a while, and his strange and deep eyes seemed to be not looking at me, but his own heart.
Yes, I was young, determined to get married, and planned my married life. I thought it would be beautiful. He smiled, but marriage is a two-person affair. I didn’t expect that I longed for life to disappoint Isabel. I really didn’t understand at that time, otherwise I would never have suggested it. She was too impulsive at that time. I didn’t blame her, but I couldn’t give in.
You may be impressed by reading that Larry’s widowed wife, the owner of the farm, fled the farm overnight for Bonn. I was anxious to ask him to continue, but I knew I had to avoid asking questions too directly.
I have never been to Bonn. I said that when I was a child, I was probably the happiest day of my life in Heidelberg.
I stayed there in Bonn for a year. I rented a room with the widow of the late professor in Bonn. Her two middle-aged daughters were in charge of cooking, and the tenant was French. I was a little disappointed because I wanted to practice German. He came to Alsace and spoke German, which might be more advantageous than French and his accent was more accurate. It was only a few days after he was dressed as a priest that I accidentally found out that he was a devout monk, and he was granted leave from the monastery to do research in the big picture museum. He was as knowledgeable as a monk, with light brown hair and blue eyes. Red and round-faced, he is afraid of strangers, but he doesn’t seem to want to come and go with me, but he is polite and thoughtful. When he eats and chats at the same table, he will always be polite. Only then will I see him after lunch, and he will go back to the library to be busy. After dinner, one of the landlord’s daughters will wash the dishes, and I will chat with another to practice German, while the tenant will nest in his room.
One afternoon after I stayed in Bonn for a month, he asked me if I wanted to go for a walk, which was really unexpected. He said that he could show me some nearby places. I should not have found that I thought I could walk very well, but he was better than me. We definitely walked fifteen miles less on that walk. He asked me to come to Bonn. I spoke German and was familiar with German. He said that he would try his best to help me. From then on, we would go for a walk two or three times a week. I found that he had taught philosophy for many years. I studied philosophy in Paris. Spinoza Plato Descartes, but I haven’t been in contact with German philosophers. I can’t ask him to talk about these philosophers. One day, we went hiking on the other side of the Rhine and sat in an open-air seat to drink. He asked me if I was a Protestant, and I told him that it should be.
He gave me a quick look, and his eyes seemed to smile. He talked about Aeschylus 48. I was also in Greek at that time. I couldn’t wait to hear his familiarity with these great tragedians. I learned a lot from his words. I don’t know why he would ask me about my belief in Uncle Nelson. But he often went to church and sent me to Sunday school according to the patient’s wishes. Martha, a domestic helper, was an inflexible Baptist. When I was a child, she often told me stories that sinners would be tortured by hellfire forever. Her examples were all people who spent the holidays with her in the village and in detail.
In winter, I know Father Ensim very well. I think he is quite amazing. I have never seen him lose his temper. His nature is kind and sincere beyond my imagination. He is tolerant of everything. He must have seen through me, but every time he talks to me, he seems to ask me as if I were the same as him, and he is patient and seems to want to help me. For some reason, Mrs. Grabaugh, the landlord, insisted that I lie in bed and take a hot water bottle to make me hot compress. Father Ensim came to visit me after hearing about it, except. I have a bad back pain, and there are basically no other symptoms. You know those crazy people are curious about me. When I saw him enter the room, I let him go. He also picked it up and looked at the name. The theme was Eckhart 49, which was bought in a shop in the city. He asked me how I could read it. I said that I had dabbled in mystical literature and went to Kosdi, which aroused my interest in mysticism. Father’s blue eyes looked at me and showed some kind of love eyes. He seemed to think I was funny, but his attitude towards me was against me. I never cared that others treated me like a fool.
What do you want from it? He asked me.
If I had known, I would have looked for it now.
Remember when I asked you if you were a Protestant? What do you mean by "should be"?
I have been exposed to Protestantism since I was a child, I said
Do you believe Emperor? He asked.
I don’t like this kind of personal question. At that time, I almost blurted out that it was nothing else, but his expression was so good that I couldn’t contradict him. I didn’t know what to answer. I didn’t want to say I believed or I didn’t want to say I didn’t believe it. It might be because of my low back pain or his influence. I talked about my own affairs
Larry hesitated for a long time, and when he spoke again, I knew that he had forgotten that I was talking to the devout monk. I don’t know if at some point the power made him reticent and needed me to ask him questions, so he explained it to bury his past.
Uncle Bob Nelson sent me to study in Marvin in a democratic way, but Aunt Louisa bradley nagged me until I was 14 years old. My school sports were not very good, but I was able to integrate into the environment. At that time, boys were very fascinated by aviation. At that time, it was the early stage of aviation technology development. Uncle Bob loved flying as much as me. When he heard that I wanted to fly, he said that he was willing to help me find a way. At that time, although I was young, I looked sixteen years taller. Uncle Bob told me to keep it a secret, or everyone would definitely scold him for it, but he later sent me to Canada and wrote a letter of introduction asking me to bring it to a friend. I became a pilot in France when I was seventeen.
At that time, our plane was a piece of junk, and every flight was tantamount to risking our lives, and the flying altitude was outrageous according to today’s standards, but we knew nothing about it, but it was amazing. At that time, I was very fond of flying, and it was difficult to feel proud and my heart was flying higher and higher in the middle. I felt as if I were integrated with some kind of vastness and beauty. I don’t know what happened, but I was no longer alone after flying to 2,000 feet. It may sound incredible, but I really flew to the cloud level, as if overlooking a large group of sheep, which made people feel that I
Larry paused and stared at me with unfathomable eyes, wondering if he was really looking at me.
I know that tens of millions of people died, but it didn’t matter to me if I didn’t see them with my own eyes. It was not until I first saw others die in front of me that my heart was full of shame.
Shame made me raise my voice.
It is indeed a shame, because he is three or four years older than me, full of energy and courage. Not long ago, he was alive and kicking, but now he seems to have never been there.
I was silent. I saw dead people when I was a medical student, and there were countless during the war. I was deeply saddened that they looked so important that they had no dignity left and became puppets abandoned by the troupe
I couldn’t sleep that night and cried miserably, not because I was afraid of death, but because I was so angry that I couldn’t bear such an ugly side. After the war, I came home. I was very mechanical and had nothing to do, so I planned to find a job in an automobile factory. I was injured in the war and then my family asked me to work, but I couldn’t do it. I felt very meaningless when I expected to work. I often wondered repeatedly what my purpose in life was. I was purely lucky to survive. I hoped to be able to do it, but I didn’t know what to do before. The emperor didn’t have any special thoughts, but I remembered him at that time. I didn’t know what evil world would be. My bosom friend knew it well but there was no one to teach it, but I wanted to order something and read it at random. I told Father Ensim about it.
You have been studying for four years, haven’t you? Have you found the answer? He asked me.
Have you finished? I said
He looked at me with a kind face, which made me confused. I didn’t know what I had said that would make him react like this. His fingers tapped on the table as if he were thinking something.
He said that our church, which has a long history and is full of wisdom, will get the true faith and pray when it finds that it believes in religion and practices rituals. Although doubts remain sincere, doubts will be eliminated. According to the accumulated experience from ancient times to the present, it has been proved that worship has a great influence on the spirit. Before you can enjoy the ceremony, you will be quiet in a beautiful day. I will go back to the monastery soon. Do you want to go back to live together for a few weeks? You can work in the field with other monks and go to the library to see it in the evening. This experience is also very interesting and will not be lost to workers in mines or farms.